Behavior - Whose Responsibility is It?

"You can't change others; You can only change yourself." or "You are responsible for your own behavior." These are many of the tidbits of wisdom that I have shared with my children over the years. Dispensing wisdom is easy compared to actually living it or, even harder, watching someone else live up to those expectations. Maybe it's because as a nurturer, I want to help others out and keep them safe, but as a parent or as an educator, am I really helping the child if I don't turn the responsibility for behavior over to him or her?

A conversation I had with a teacher this week related directly to this idea. As I visited with her class, I noticed that she was doing a lot of talking to the children telling them how they should be behaving. During our discussion later, the teacher began to recognize that her students need to be held responsible for their behavior. The burden should be on them rather than on the teacher. Children want to do the right thing, but we as educators need to make sure that they know what the right thing is. We cannot assume that students know what our expectations are. Learning to behave appropriately can be difficult for some children, but it is important work that they must do. Support and empathy help the process, as well as a clear understanding of the expectations and a belief that all children can meet the expectations.